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@  ASTOREA2K : (03:21 AM)

i hate snow khaled we can trade

@  BEazy : (04:36 AM)

Ooooh a discord!

@  KHALED : (10:01 PM)

its middle of summer here so its trash

@  KHALED : (10:01 PM)

i want to experience christmas where it snows and is cold

@  KHALED : (10:00 PM)

thats dope

@  ASTOREA2K : (11:10 PM)

this old ass annoying disney special

@  ASTOREA2K : (11:10 PM)

@KHALED yeah lmao

@  Uhhimani : (10:03 PM)

super ez edibles I made once I was high asfawk

@  Uhhimani : (10:03 PM)

sandwich peanut butter and weed in 2 graham crackers wrap in foil and bake it!!

@  Uhhimani : (10:02 PM)

https://www.foodbeast.com/news/the-firecracker-is-the-easiest-weed-edible-you-will-ever-make/

@  KHALED : (09:36 PM)

fuck i have been high for like 2 months straight with only a couple hours of being sober each day and i am kinda over it. i want to be sober for a while

@  KHALED : (09:35 PM)

6 god blocboy

@  KHALED : (09:35 PM)

bro i choked on sugar this morning eating breakfast, i was dying

@  KHALED : (09:35 PM)

except android, who will be admin

@  KHALED : (09:35 PM)

ill make everyone mod

@  KHALED : (09:35 PM)

https://discord.gg/abjjfc3

@  KHALED : (09:33 PM)

i was listening to the radio and a swedish woman rang up and said its tradition and i was like wtf

@  KHALED : (09:32 PM)

@ASTOREA2K yo is it for real that sweden watches Donald Duck cartoons on christmas?

@  KHALED : (09:32 PM)

like they just arent something you come across over here much unless you make your own and i couldnt be bothered

@  KHALED : (09:32 PM)

i never had edibles

@  Uhhimani : (11:40 AM)

do u like edibles @KHALED

@  Uhhimani : (07:26 PM)

kisses@ KHALED : (12:09 AM) i forgive you imani

@  Android XVII : (02:58 AM)

oh that's coo some1 make 1 den

@  ASTOREA2K : (07:34 PM)

@Android XVII its like skype but for gamers

@  KHALED : (10:28 PM)

i like discord, id like a server

@  KHALED : (10:27 PM)

@ ASTOREA2K : (12:21 PM) Edit icon @Uhhimani please let me cum in you

@  KHALED : (10:27 PM)

well then stop having your weird white kids shoot up schools dumbass @ Fuck Flog Gnaw : (08:33 AM) Edit icon And school shootings is way too callus of a joke

@  KHALED : (10:26 PM)

my grandma was aboriginal, fuck yall

@  KHALED : (10:26 PM)

thats literally the dumbest most racist shit ive heard, saying they arent "black". americans are fucking weird

@  KHALED : (10:26 PM)

apparently this guy isnt black? http://rightnow.org....1_z-640x440.jpg

@  KHALED : (10:25 PM)

lmao what @ Fuck Flog Gnaw : (08:32 AM) Edit icon @Khaled they're not "black" people

@  Android XVII : (06:46 PM)

i don't really know bout discord its like team speak or something right

@  ASTOREA2K : (12:31 AM)

id be down for that

@  ASTOREA2K : (12:31 AM)

for real

@  tylersgay : (12:10 AM)

should make a discord server tbh

@  Android XVII : (11:50 PM)

but we still a family tho

@  Android XVII : (11:50 PM)

nobody ever on at the same time

@  tylersgay : (07:08 PM)

hi

@  tylersgay : (07:08 PM)

i remember your name

@  Wyatt : (05:22 PM)

:(

@  Wyatt : (05:22 PM)

whenever i come on tho nobody is around

@  Wyatt : (05:22 PM)

god damn i still think about this site all the time

@  Wyatt : (05:05 PM)

anyone here

@  Wyatt : (05:05 PM)

yo yo

@  ASTOREA2K : (10:20 PM)

i have a gf lmao

@  Android XVII : (09:15 PM)

we need to get astorea some pussy

@  Android XVII : (09:14 PM)

bruh i got punched in the face yesterday n i didn't even see who did it :(

@  ASTOREA2K : (07:52 PM)

@tylersgay my bad my bad

@  tylersgay : (12:28 PM)

.

@  ASTOREA2K : (02:21 AM)

@Uhhimani please let me cum in you

@  Fuck Flog Gnaw : (10:33 PM)

And school shootings is way too callus of a joke

@  Fuck Flog Gnaw : (10:32 PM)

@Khaled they're not "black" people

@  KHALED : (07:09 AM)

i forgive you imani

@  Uhhimani : (02:19 AM)

:D

@  Beeb : (11:26 PM)

:beeb:

@  KHALED : (11:11 PM)

which was hilarious considering its a black country that white people took over

@  KHALED : (11:11 PM)

i remember someone on here asking me if australia has black people

@  KHALED : (11:10 PM)

i am shocked ireland has black people

@  KHALED : (11:10 PM)

this song slaps https://www.youtube....h?v=j83M-EDduOM

@  KHALED : (02:48 AM)

man ive spent like 3 hours today just arguing with a nazi on reddit. im exhausted

@  KHALED : (02:48 AM)

but hey, we dont have school shootings

@  KHALED : (02:48 AM)

and racist

@  KHALED : (02:48 AM)

you know what, everything i was going to joke about to insult @Fuck Flog Gnaw applies to australians just as much as americans in regards to being fat and shit

@  KHALED : (02:46 AM)

im like so rural that theres only like 3 muslim people in the whole town, most people here arent religious.

@  KHALED : (02:45 AM)

oh thats dope

@  ASTOREA2K : (05:55 PM)

@KHALED no but ive grown up around muslim culture all my life and seeing my friends do it every year made me wanna do it

@  Fuck Flog Gnaw : (05:16 PM)

Are Australians ugly because they descend from criminals?

@  tylersgay : (12:11 PM)

_

@  tylersgay : (12:07 PM)

@Android XVII lol

@  tylersgay : (12:07 PM)

@KHALED thanks

@  tylersgay : (12:06 PM)

Subhanallah brother stay strong @ ASTOREA2K : (09:43 PM) doing my first ramadan ever rn @ ASTOREA2K : (09:43 PM) @tylersgay mashallah

@  KHALED : (05:47 AM)

im making a turkey and cheese toasted sandwich

@  Android XVII : (10:50 PM)

damn bruh i already ate food or i woulda fucked with yall

@  KHALED : (10:06 PM)

but happy ramadan to all my muslim homies.

@  KHALED : (10:05 PM)

is u muslim now astorea?

@  ASTOREA2K : (08:43 PM)

doing my first ramadan ever rn

@  ASTOREA2K : (08:43 PM)

@tylersgay mashallah

@  Android XVII : (08:17 PM)

lena fucked up when she got fake titties

@  tylersgay : (04:24 PM)

happy ramadan

@  Uhhimani : (09:47 PM)

@lena

@  Uhhimani : (09:47 PM)

her nipples are atrocious

@  Android XVII : (09:27 PM)

kim kardashian jafar era>>>>>

@  Android XVII : (09:26 PM)

lena kind of bad but yeah she kinda look like jafar tho

@  Ryan : (05:29 PM)

IGOR

@  ASTOREA2K : (04:45 PM)

lena

@  KHALED : (11:05 PM)

i dont know, shes got an ugly face

@  KHALED : (11:05 PM)

or is it leda?

@  KHALED : (11:05 PM)

except he fucks that lena girl and riley reid so good for him

@  KHALED : (11:05 PM)

adam22 embarrasses every other adam

@  Android XVII : (07:31 PM)

adam22 is a legend as much as i don't fuck with him

@  Uhhimani : (03:38 PM)

idk I find him entertaining

@  Uhhimani : (03:38 PM)

Adam 22

@  Uhhimani : (03:38 PM)

jk hahaha

@  Uhhimani : (03:38 PM)

yes agreed we luh u @adam22

@  Android XVII : (12:59 AM)

white ass monster energy warehouse i need yall to pray for me

@  Android XVII : (12:59 AM)

6 pm - 230 am

@  Android XVII : (12:59 AM)

i got another job now i hav worse hours than before

@  Android XVII : (12:58 AM)

and that's why he fell in love with her

@  Android XVII : (12:58 AM)

rest in peace thomas his girlfriend has the same name as me

@  Android XVII : (12:57 AM)

chickens are pretty scary


Photo

Working on a script for a zombie movie, here's the first scene. Give some thoughts?


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27 replies to this topic

#1 MTY

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 03:40 AM

WE SEE A MAN IN A PRISON CELL LEANING HIS HEAD DOWN, THE CAMERA ZOOMS UP TO SEE HIM LOOK RIGHT AT THE CAMERA. HE SITS ON HIS BED AND BEGINS TO TALK.

HERO

Names are not important, especially after the apocalypse. For now, I'll just call myself Hero. This is my story. It's been eight months since it began.

WE SEE HERO AND WHAT APPEARS TO BE HIS FAMILY WATCHING TV

NARRATOR HERO

It all started with me and family watching the news. We heard about the sickness and didn't think it was a big deal, it'd be cleaned up by the government all quick and easy like nothing happened. That was until the doors broke down. There were so many of them. I tried my best to fight them off, to protect my family, but, there were too many of them. They got my sister first, then my mom, then my brother. It was just me and my dad fighting them off. We were just about to get out of the house but one of them got my dad. He told me to run. So I did. I hot wired the car and drove away from the city. I had to, there was no other way I was going to survive. I stopped at a gas station to sit, and think about it all.

We see Hero sitting in his car crying. A zombie appears banging on the driver's side car window. Hero freaks out, grabs a Swiss Army knife kept at his side, and attempts to stab the zombie, only to stab the window. He rolls the window down and stabs the zombie in the forehead, killing him. Hero rolls the window up and reflects further on the past couple of hours.

HERO

Why me? I had to be the last one alive. Of course, everyone but me dies. What the fuck, God? What is wrong with you, why do you do these things? If you were real, these things wouldn't happen. If you weren't real...

WE CUT BACK TO HERO IN THE PRISON

NARRATOR HERO

I got gas and drove to my uncles cabin outside Jerseyville. I knew he was isolated, so it was highly unlikely he would be dead. I parked near his house, got out, and knocked on his door.

WE CUT BACK TO HERO, 8 MONTHS EARLIER, KNOCKING ON HIS UNCLE'S DOOR.

HERO

Uncle John, are you there? Please open up, everyone's dead! I need to be inside! UNCLE JOHN PLEASE!

Uncle John opens the door, grabs Hero, and pulls him inside.

UNCLE JOHN

Are you bit? Are you one of them? Are you.

HERO

Calm down Uncle! I'm fine, well physically.

UNCLE JOHN

Did your family not make it?

HERO

No, they didn't. They got them all in a matter of minutes, almost got me too.

UNCLE JOHN

Almost?

HERO

My dad was being eaten, that gave me a chance to run and I did, my dad told me to. I got in the car and just drove, I just drove.

WE SEE HERO LOOKING AT HIS UNCLE'S BOOKSHELF, WHICH FEATURES MANY RELIGIOUS BOOKS.

UNCLE JOHN

I'm sorry to hear that, but we need to shelter up for the night, do you want to help me board up the doors and windows?

Hero is still staring at the bookshelf. His Uncle taps him and Hero snaps out of the trance.

HERO

Uh, yeah, I'll help.

Hero and Uncle John begin to board up the doors and windows. 

WE SEE UNCLE JOHN WITH A HUNTING RIFLE WALKING AROUND THE HOUSE GUARDING IT, THE CAMERA THEN CUTS TO HERO IN THE BED WITH HIS EYES OPEN. THE SCENE FADES.


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#2 Fig

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 03:43 AM

Did you family not make it?


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@ Bleachgeek : (06 July 2013 - 09:14 PM)@Hobogod I own 3 fedoras, wore em in middle school and high school at times

#3 MTY

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 03:44 AM

Did you family not make it?

Fixed it <_<


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#4 Guest_133_*

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 03:48 AM

"we see hero and what appears to be his family watching tv" SO WHAT ARE THEY REALLY DOING


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#5 Guest_133_*

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 03:49 AM

THEY MUST HAVE BEEN ZOMBIES ALL ALONG PRETENDING TO WATCH TV TRICKING "HERO" hahah


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#6 Barakon

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 03:51 AM

Even though zombie movies are pretty much done to death now (cwatidid), it seems like you have very barebones groundwork laid. However, it's the first scene. This is the one that grips people. You should flesh out the moment with the family more, or even make the moment with the family the entire first scene. You have to build emotional character for Hero and you brushed the scene by too fast. Also, the dialogue between the uncle and Hero could be a little more grounded. You should move the scene along but try your best to keep the viewer engaged in the character's feelings. The Uncle's brother just died (Hero's dad) and Hero just lost his father, the dialogue should be more delayed and sparse. Otherwise, you've got everything else set up fine. Just my two cents in the penny pit.


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The Lame God has spoken.

#7 MTY

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 03:52 AM

Even though zombie movies are pretty much done to death now (cwatidid), it seems like you have very barebones groundwork laid. However, it's the first scene. This is the one that grips people. You should flesh out the moment with the family more, or even make the moment with the family the entire first scene. You have to build emotional character for Hero and you brushed the scene by too fast. Also, the dialogue between the uncle and Hero could be a little more grounded. You should move the scene along but try your best to keep the viewer engaged in the character's feelings. The Uncle's brother just died (Hero's dad) and Hero just lost his father, the dialogue should be more delayed and sparse. Otherwise, you've got everything else set up fine. Just my two cents in the penny pit.

Thanks for the feedback!


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#8 Ryan

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 03:55 AM

instead of zombies they should be dinosaurs


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real G's move in silence like lasagna , ............................................. ... 1%

#9 Shizuka

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 03:56 AM

Some suggestions for the young one:

 

 

"I tried my best to fight them off, to protect my family, but... there were too many of them."

 

"They first got my sister, then my mom and lastly my brother."

 

 

"He yelled for me to run, to get as far away as I could."

 

I got in the car and just drove. I just drove.


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<p class='bbc_center'><a href='<a href='http://typicaltaro.tumblr.com/' class='bbc_url' title='External link' rel='nofollow external'>http://typicaltaro.t...tumblr.com/</a>' class='bbc_url' title='External link' rel='nofollow external'><em class='bbc'><strong class='bbc'><span style='font-size: 24px;'>Posted Image</span></strong></em></a></p>

#10 MTY

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 03:59 AM

Some suggestions for the young one:

 

 

"I tried my best to fight them off, to protect my family, but... there were too many of them."

 

"They first got my sister, then my mom and lastly my brother."

 

 

"He yelled for me to run, to get as far away as I could."

 

I got in the car and just drove. I just drove.

Thanks for feedback, gonna try to add it in. I'm gonna look into some scriptwriting tips and tricks, so hopefully when I post another draft, it's better.


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#11 Shizuka

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 04:02 AM

Thanks for feedback, gonna try to add it in. I'm gonna look into some scriptwriting tips and tricks, so hopefully when I post another draft, it's better.

 

 

It's fine if you don't, have you had someone edit it or is this a total rough draft? 


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<p class='bbc_center'><a href='<a href='http://typicaltaro.tumblr.com/' class='bbc_url' title='External link' rel='nofollow external'>http://typicaltaro.t...tumblr.com/</a>' class='bbc_url' title='External link' rel='nofollow external'><em class='bbc'><strong class='bbc'><span style='font-size: 24px;'>Posted Image</span></strong></em></a></p>

#12 MTY

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 04:03 AM

It's fine if you don't, have you had someone edit it or is this a total rough draft? 

Rough draft.


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#13 Guest_133_*

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 04:05 AM

DOLAN WHY DO THEY APPEAR TO BE WATCHING TV ARE THEY NOT ACTUALLY WATCHING IT


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#14 Shizuka

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 04:07 AM

Rough draft.

 

 

Oh ok, best of luck with this. 


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#15 oddwolfmen

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 04:13 AM

this is fontastic!


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\ (•◡•) /\ (•◡•) /sellin custom helmits: http://www.oddfuture...custom-helmits/

#16 Android XVII

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 04:14 AM

tl;dr


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BIANCA SULLIVAN COME BACK TO ME
https://soundcloud.com/rvgnvrxk

#17 Guest_133_*

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 04:15 AM

WHY DO THEY "APPEAR" TO BE WATCHING TV


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#18 Guest_133_*

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 04:15 AM

:psypop:


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#19 Guest_133_*

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 04:21 AM

hi froggyEXS


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#20 Guest_133_*

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 04:27 AM

uh oh he left


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#21 Guest_dsaw_*

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 07:48 AM

did you type this on a typewriter why is it in that font


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#22 ASTOREA2K

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 10:27 AM

Not going to read cause zombie movies are overdone and feel really lazy.


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http://


#23 BathingApe

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 10:52 AM

Not going to read cause zombie movies are overdone and feel really lazy.

yup basically this


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#24 Zoxea

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Posted 29 May 2013 - 01:23 AM

Sir Spidey need your input


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#25 Spidey

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Posted 29 May 2013 - 01:25 AM

Sir Spidey need your input

 

 

Sir Spidey reporting for duty, what you do need?


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b85eac5d8eae8ed35d8b81946c5b8d97.png


#26 Zoxea

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Posted 29 May 2013 - 01:27 AM

Zoxea, on 29 May 2013 - 02:19 AM, said:snapback.png

Sir Spidey need your input

 

 

Sir Spidey reporting for duty, what you do need?

 

Zombie Films its your specialty in RL i fink u should drop a few pointers for these guys


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#27 Spidey

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Posted 29 May 2013 - 01:31 AM

 

Zoxea, on 29 May 2013 - 02:19 AM, said:snapback.png

Sir Spidey need your input

 

 

Sir Spidey reporting for duty, what you do need?

 

Zombie Films its your specialty in RL i fink u should drop a few pointers for these guys

 

 

Oh, hm...Make sure to have the camera at stupid places so you can't see what is going on, make sure to wear your school uniform during half of a scene, and then not for the rest....hm. More will come to me later.


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b85eac5d8eae8ed35d8b81946c5b8d97.png


#28 Zoxea

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Posted 29 May 2013 - 01:32 AM

Zoxea, on 29 May 2013 - 02:23 AM, said:

snapback.png

 


 

Zoxea, on 29 May 2013 - 02:19 AM, said:snapback.png

Zoxea, on 29 May 2013 - 02:19 AM, said:snapback.png

 


Sir Spidey need your input

 

Sir Spidey reporting for duty, what you do need?

 

Zombie Films its your specialty in RL i fink u should drop a few pointers for these guys

 

Oh, hm...Make sure to have the camera at stupid places so you can't see what is going on, make sure to wear your school uniformduring half of a scene, and then not for the rest....hm. More will come to me later.

 

 Lol its funny how i get wot u mean.... and ur completely right


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